Arts & Entertainment Community Health & Wellness

A candid discussion of mental health struggles and seeking help, in recognition of Suicide Prevention Month

Reader warning: This article contains discussion of suicide, suicidal ideation, eating disorders, and self-harm.

Heather Arneson is the artist behind LIVEeachmoment Art, a small, mental health-focused art business Arneson opened in 2020. Arneson has struggled with her mental health for more than 15 years, and this decade-and-a-half’s worth of personal experience informs her work.

In recognition of Suicide Prevention Month, the Tacoma resident will be the speaker at Baking with Hope, this month’s event put on by Harmony in the Harbor, a Gig Harbor-based group that holds wellness monthly gatherings. The event is Wednesday, Sept. 25.

Arneson sat down with Gig Harbor Now’s Carolyn Bick for a candid discussion about removing shame from talking about mental health struggles and normalizing seeking help.

Gig Harbor Now: Can you give me a little background about yourself and how your identity and experiences weave into your work?

Heather Arneson: Yeah, so, I myself have struggled with mental health for quite a long time and my life was directly impacted by suicide in college that led to PTSD.

GHN: I’m sorry to interrupt. Do you mean your own attempt or somebody else’s?

Arneson: Somebody else’s suicide and they did die. And so that led to PTSD, which manifested as the main symptom of it, but I then dealt with my own suicidal ideation for a long, long, long, long time.

I tried lots and lots of different treatment. … I’d been doing art while I was in high levels of care, like residential and PHP, partial hospitalization programs, and it was always helpful in those settings, but it quickly fell off and trailed off when I was done with those programs.

But back in 2019, I got this new art journal, and when I was in treatment then, I kind of stopped writing and mainly was just journaling through art, and I found that sometimes I could express things in that form that I couldn’t really express in words. So, when I was leaving that treatment facility, I made a commitment to myself to continue doing that art.

I would say I did it almost every day for at least a year after that. I also dove into learning different styles of art and a lot with mixed media, and then also alcohol ink, which is the same stuff that’s in Sharpie markers. You can do a lot of abstract art with that and it’s its own unique art form.

That turned into, in 2020, hosting a virtual fundraiser for an organization called To Write Love on Her Arms, and that is still who we mainly donate to now. They’re based in Florida, but they have resources for everyone across the country.

One of their main things is, on their website, they have a find help tool where you can put in your zip code and it will pull up resources and clinicians and treatment options in your physical location. And then just within the last couple years, they’ve also been offering scholarships for people to access therapy and treatment, which (people) wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford or have access to. So, those are the main reasons that we continue to support them.

They’re also very appreciative of the work that we’re doing, which is really cool. And it feels like it does matter. So anyway, that virtual fundraiser led to me sharing my Tomorrow Needs You semicolon butterfly design.

The semicolon in the mental health community is the idea that your story isn’t over yet, for people who are experiencing suicidal ideation or for people who have made attempts.

Mainly when I started selling my art, it was mostly original artwork — sharing different messages like, “You Are Enough,” and “Tomorrow Needs You,” and just encouraging phrases and things that I wish that I could see when I was struggling most. That led to making sticker designs and cards and ultimately apparel designs, and that also led to what we call the Ellipsis Project.

GHN: Tell me about the Ellipsis Project.

Arneson: So last September, we, I — a lot of times when I’m talking, I say “we,” when I’m actually meaning “I,” because it feels a little bit weird to just own it myself.

I launched The Ellipsis Project and the ellipsis is the dot dot dot (…) symbol. And so we’re trying to take it a step forward from the idea of the semicolon of, “Your story isn’t over,” into “the continuation of your story.”

So not only is it not over yet, but it continues. And when you choose to stay, then you’re continuing your story and you’re starting to live into tomorrow.

Live into tomorrow was the main design last year, and just an idea of creating a tomorrow that we want to be here for, putting things in tomorrow, whether that’s exactly the next day or a week from then or a couple of weeks from then — something that you can look forward to and that you kind of have on the calendar to be like, “I will be here for that.”

GHN: So you’re saying, actually making plans and putting them on the calendar and having things to be like, “Okay, I’ll make it to tomorrow, so I can make this other thing. I’ll make it to tomorrow-tomorrow, so I can make this other thing.” Is that right?

Arneson: Exactly. Yeah, exactly. A lot of times when people are experiencing SI (suicidal ideation), you start thinking about ways to not be here tomorrow. And once our thinking gets really, really focused on that, then we’re not making plans or putting things into our life to be here tomorrow.

Often, we see the phrase, “Live as if tomorrow won’t happen.” And we’re flipping that around to say “Live as if tomorrow will happen,” and the idea that you’ll be here for that tomorrow.

As an example, I’m also a performer. I’ve danced my entire life and been doing musical theater for the last 10 years.

One time there was a show that was six months from then, and it was Newsies, which is one of my favorites as a dancer. It has some really cool stuff in it. I was really, really struggling in the spring, and they announced their season, and Newsies was going to be the first one on our schedule.

And so that gave me something that I was like, “Okay, I really want to be here for this.”

Or maybe it’s setting up a job interview, because maybe you’ve been out of work for a while, because of mental health stuff. And just setting up that job interview, so that you can be like, “You know what, if I’m here, then I’m gonna have something that I want to do with my life.”

GHN: I did want to ask: In terms of art, with regards to sort of how you work with art to stay here, how do you personally do that? Not just making art for other people.

I know that then there’s also this tendency to actively-passively ignore one’s own needs and what one deserves. It’s really easy to be like, “Well, I can do it for other people, but I definitely wouldn’t do it for myself.” So, what do you do for art for yourself to keep yourself here?

Arneson: That is a good question, because yeah, I can get — especially when you have a business centered around it, really only doing it for that. And I do struggle sometimes to find time to do it, but it’s also relaxing for me to work on making a new design.

But I do try to spend some time doing it for myself, and every once in a while, that means taking a step back from LIVEeachmoment Art, to focus on myself with what’s needed. I think because I also perform, and I also choreograph, and do that, that’s another outlet for me to have that creativity come forward.

GHN: How have you been treated, when you’ve opened up about your experiences? Has that treatment changed, since you have made your experiences into art and work to support others?

Arneson: I would say no. I’ve been really lucky, partly — “lucky” isn’t exactly the right term for it, because of the severity of it. I really absolutely needed to get treatment, or I wouldn’t be here today, and I’ve had some really awesome supports in that way.

I think sometimes it’s really hard to find a therapist that you can connect with and have enough support around you, but because of being in higher levels of care, that kind of introduced me to a lot of people and also their connections that were really skilled.

I had the same therapist for almost all of 12 years. She is on sabbatical right now, so that’s been a big adjustment, but having that continuity was huge. I’ve pretty much been in therapy, at least outpatient-wise, for the last 16 years.

My husband is supportive of it. He was in the Air Force. We actually were able to get a variance in order for us to be able to stay here, so that I could have that continuity of care, because at the time that we were supposed to move, I really needed that.

We’ve been really fortunate to have insurance that could help with that and to have providers that were just really skilled at what they were doing and also sought out ways to find other treatment when the things that we were doing weren’t working.

GHN: What misperceptions have you encountered over the years with regards to anything related to mental health, or suicidal ideation, in specific?

Arneson: I think it scares people, sometimes, at first, and also is really uncomfortable, so a lot of times when you do share, they just don’t know how to respond.

I think we’re shifting the needle, in terms of conversations happening right now around mental health. But I still think people are ready to hear the kind of nice, neat, packaged up, “Okay, you went through this and now you’re fine,” version and aren’t as willing to be there when it’s actually happening and especially if it’s a long-term experience with mental health. That would be the main thing.

I also have dealt with self-harm for a long time and that is very, very misunderstood and also a lot of judgment. I think most of that is because people just really don’t understand it. And then I think with eating disorders, we often think of that — and same thing with self-harm — as (occurring in) people who are younger. Because of diet culture and so many different things in the world, a lot of eating disorder symptoms and eating are really normalized, and so it’s not seen as severe.

Last week, we shared a story in the email newsletter about the vinyl decals we have. Someone shared that they have one on their car, and somebody stopped them at a red light and was like, “Hey, I saw that message on your car.” That person had finished cancer treatment that day, and was just like, “That meant so much to me to see — ‘Tomorrow Needs You’ on the back of your car.”

There are like simple things that we can do to put more reminders into the world.

As far as what I wish people knew, I think the biggest thing is that it takes time to heal from things like PTSD and even suicidal ideation. It’s not something that goes away overnight.

So, checking in on friends, not just when you know that they’re starting therapy, but a month from then, two months from then, four or five months from then, and really asking each other, “How are you, really?” Not just, “How are you?” as a form of saying hello.

You don’t have to be at rock bottom to access therapy. And if we think about (suicidal ideation) as a symptom, then maybe it’s not quite as scary for other people to know what’s happening. Just like there’s symptoms with physical illnesses.

So, if that can be this red flag of “I need to get help now,” I think that would be huge.

GHN: You touched on a really important point. What is literally the worst thing that somebody receiving that message — the, “I’m not OK” message — can do?

Arneson: Ignore it.

It takes so much courage to tell someone you’re experiencing that. And so if it’s not validated, that person likely is never going to tell you again, and they’re going to keep it quiet. Maybe they’ll find somebody else that they can go to, but they might not. In that kind of validation, like in any of those conversations, we don’t need to have the right answer, we really just need to be there with that person.

So, you don’t have to try and fix anything. You don’t even need to problem solve with them. But just hearing what they’re experiencing is so, so important.

Of course, if there is someone who is really an imminent danger, then yes, we’re going to have to take some action on that. But there’s also 988 now, and that is the Suicide Lifeline. People can call that instead of 911 and have someone respond to them who understands the mental health part of it. There’s also text lines as well, where you can just text, 7-4-1-7-4-1 is one of them.

We still have some misunderstanding around suicide — that it’s a selfish thing, and it is so far from that. So, not blaming the person or putting any shame on them is really important.

Most of the time, when a person is experiencing suicidal ideation, they don’t actually want to die. What they want is to find an escape from some circumstance in their life that feels either interminable, inescapable or intolerable. If we can figure out ways to do that, and ways to be there with a person to get through that, that’s what’s most needed.

GHN: What is the hardest thing about staying on top of your mental health? What advice would you give to others, who also might be struggling?

Arneson: Self-compassion has been a huge difference in my life. And that might sound kind of weird, just like this idea of self-compassion.

If I see something that triggers some PTSD stuff for myself, I know that for the rest of that day, I need to slow down. And I might need to step back from what my original plan was for that day, because I need to tend to that piece of me that is scared. … Doing that makes it so that I can get back to it fully functioning so much faster. 

Sometimes, I do need more support than other times. And sometimes that looks like needing to have more treatment. … For example, when my therapist of, 12 years wasn’t around anymore … that was a huge transition for me. And it did lead to needing a higher level of care for a while.

But that was the best choice that I could make in that moment, rather than trying to push through. So, I think those are the main things. Having self-compassion, and if that means needing more help, seeking that out for the time that it’s needed.

GHN: Are there any tells that you see in yourself that things are slipping, that you also have heard from others to potentially point out for anybody who might be reading this? And by slipping, I don’t mean it as a judgment call.

Arneson: I think everyone is going to have their own answer to that … and it’s going to take time for each person to kind of figure out what that is.

For me, unfortunately, when I notice myself using eating disorder behaviors, that is a sign for me. If I end up using self-harm, whether that’s in a smaller way or a bigger way, that’s a huge red flag to me — I need more support now.

And those things, if not attended to, will lead to suicidal ideation. And so, I have to stop at those places and figure out how to get more support right away so that I don’t get to that other place. I think that’s the main thing.

And also, one of the main symptoms of depression is not enjoying things that you always did enjoy. So, if I find myself not wanting to be part of a show, or not wanting to go to ballet class, or not wanting to spend time with my family — I have a daughter and husband — those are also signals for me that something else is happening. And my kind of general anxiety will also spike in that same time period. For me, there’s a lot of different signs along the way.

But again, it’s taken quite a while to figure that out. But once you are getting help and can look at those patterns, I think we often can figure those things out. But it might take some time to be able to notice those patterns for ourselves.

If you are in need of help, you can confidentially and anonymously call, text, or chat online with someone at the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. The 988 Lifeline does not have tracing or tracking capabilities.

You can also confidentially and anonymously text, online chat, or chat via WhatsApp with a crisis counselor at the 741741 Crisis Text Line. The Crisis Text Line is active in the United States, United Kingdom, and Ireland, and covers several issues, including eating disorders, emotional abuse, and loneliness. Counselors only know what people who contact them share with them, and will not share information, unless it is necessary for safety or legal reasons.

You do not need to be in imminent danger, or in an impending or active crisis to still need help and need to talk with someone.